Being a Teen Dad

The Why behind Call Him Abba

“How old are ya’ll? 19?!”

As I am standing in line ready to order a coffee, I turn around and see a well meaning middle 30’s young women. I kind of chuckle not totally sure what to respond back.

Is this a compliment at my fresh skin unstained by the effects of aging? Is this a statement of my wife and I’s youthful glow and collective less than 5’8 stature? Is this a nod to my wife and I’s ~hip~ and ~trendy~ style reminiscent of a college freshman?

Negative to all three.

I realized this as I saw her eyes fixated on the baby stroller next to my wife and I.

Then it hit me.

My big break! The moment that I had been waiting all my life for!

This woman was a Talent Scout from the infamous late 2000’s MTV series, “Teen Mom.” My dreams of riches, having 14 year old girls tune into a series on our life, and fame were going to come true. Not the way I thought I would be famous, but then again can’t be too picky when it comes to fame.

My day dream was interrupted when she said, looking at our baby, “she is so cute!” She then laughed and shared that she was just so surprised to see two people who looked so young with a baby.

In her defense I was wearing a grey hoodie sweatshirt, with a University of Kansas basketball jersey over it. My head was shaved, and I had three lines etched into the right side of my hair (see below), and a complete utter lack of any evidence of facial hair. A few acne spots left over from the high school years dotted my face, when was that stuff supposed to go away anyways?! I wasn’t exactly protruding a fiscally responsible, 401K investing, mature Father.

But yet, we were parents. That was our daughter. And we were married. Even though it looked like we were just old enough to get a College Student ID.

My wife and I got engaged to be married at the age of 21.
We said “I Do” to each other at the age of 22.
Weeks into our marriage we discovered we were parents.
My wife walked the stage to get her college diploma at 22 years old, 5 months pregnant. While her classmates were doing celebratory keg stands, she was asleep by 9pm growing a tiny child inside of her.

At the age of 23 we welcomed our first child.
At the age of 23 we became pregnant with our second child.
At the age of 24, we discovered that our second child was going to be disabled.
At the age of 24, we welcomed our second child, Judah, into the world who came into the world with a special super power called Down Syndrome.

That year I turned 25.

And I remember thinking to myself: “How the h e double hockey sticks (h3ll) did I end up like this. How is this my life? 2.5 years ago I was drinking $2 Montucky beers w/ the boys at our favorite college bar, with the most important decision to be made that being “late night McDonald’s or late night Whataburger?”

Now I was researching “Congenital hearts defects” and watching YouTube videos on special needs trust funds in my spare time. I was waking up in the morning at a time, where just a few years ago, I would have been going to bed (5am).

I had to make a choice. Run from the circumstances. Flee from the responsibility. Distract myself from the difficult.

Or

Grow up. Shave off the racing stripes on my hair. Throw on a collared shirt. The lady was right, I was too young to be a dad. Sure I was unqualified. Totally immature. Not ready.

But people love to bet on the underdog. Why shouldn’t I?

1. Why Call Him Abba?

Call Him Abba is a community built for men whose stakes are high. Whose consequences for action or inaction are significant. Who have been entrusted with much, and to whom much is expected.

For men that feel the need to rise above a culture that celebrates/ highlights the beer belly, the absent father, the recliner patriarch, the unavailable CEO, the disinterested dad.

For men who feel the need to perform at a high level, at work, in their family, in their homes, in their circles of influence.

For men that believe that having children will hold them back from their goals, aspirations, and commitments.

For a generation of men who have been raised as passive consumers, but feel the need to shift to be active creators.

For men who want to be peak performers, but fear, insecurity, and lack of discipline hold them back.

For me.

2. Why Now?

Millennials and Gen Z men are entering their prime production years. Financially, physically, decision making, life-long commitments, home buying, having children, spiritually. They are entering, or are already in the crunch time of their life. That Defining Decade, that wll have explosive impact on the rest of their life.

Yet the numbers are staggering.

Above is a image, from a study performed from the WSJ/ NORC study of Millennials and Gen Z in 2023.

This isn’t meant to be a commentary on having children, or not. Nor an indictment at the thousands of men who desire to be fathers, but are unable to for physical reasons, or other factors.

No rather it touches an epidemic of a generation of men who are terrified by responsibility. Who if given the chance to have the ball in the 4th quarter, would rather bench themselves for fear of failure of responsibility, than have the confidence that they could make the shot.

Why Now?

Because our generation of men are coming into our difference making years. And now is the time to invigorate men to show up. To be on. And to be ready when the ball comes to them.

3. What can you expect from CHA (Call Him Abba)?

• Free Weekly newsletter content delivered straight to you w/ commentary that will launch you into showing up as a father, man, employee in the arena’s of your life

• A community of men who take pride in being Called Abba (Father)

• A sphere for conversation, dialogue surrounding these areas

---